Weight Management Isn’t About Perfection, It’s About Progress

What is “perfect,” and why do we work tirelessly to achieve it?

Dr. Brené Brown, author and research professor at the University of Houston, defines perfectionism as, “…the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”

It’s about trying to earn approval and acceptance.

We hustle for perfection because Dr. Brown explains, “…we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.”

Perfectionism doesn’t lead to results.

It leads to the opposite of what we hope to achieve because it’s unattainable.

Often, “perfect” is a moving target because it is undefined and unclear, leading to hopelessness and self-defeating behavior.

A couple of scenarios where clients often struggle with perfectionism and shame are:

1.      When they don’t eat what they planned on their food protocol.

2.      When they overeat.

3.      When they step on the scale and the number on the scale either hasn’t changed, or it shows they gained weight.

There is no “right” or “perfect” way to eat food.

There is no “right” or “perfect” number on the scale.

When we think there is, we often couple that with regret, shame, judgment, blame, and guilt for being wrong.

My clients’ perfection self-talk track begins playing, and often I hear them say things like:

·         “This is really bad.”

·         “I messed up so bad.”

·         “When will I figure this out already?”

·         “What else needs to happen for me to stop overeating already?”

·         “I am flawed.”

·         “I’m ashamed of how I look.”

·         “I need to be different than I am.”

·         “I can’t believe I did that.”

·         “I’m such a terrible person.”

These thoughts lead them to feel shame, and because no one wants to feel shame, they eat to dull the negative emotion.

The result of eating is they gain weight—the very thing my clients are working so hard to avoid.

Can you relate to these scenarios? 

Me too. 

Our goal is not to be perfect, but instead to always be a work in progress. 

There is information to be taken away from every experience.

All of the times you have been successful with weight loss and weight maintenance, you learned what worked.

All of the times you gained weight back, you learned what didn’t work for weight loss.

That’s it.

Learning comes from not knowing how to do something.

Author Mark Manson shares in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, “Certainty is the enemy of growth.  Instead of looking to be right all of the time, we should be looking for how we’re wrong all of the time.  Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change.  Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth.”

A growth mindset breeds self-confidence.

A growth mindset thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of lack of intelligence, but as feedback for growth and for stretching our existing abilities.

Self-growth is hard work and often uncomfortable, but we earn well-being and increase our capacity for well-being and fulfillment.

So the next time you don’t eat what you planned to eat on your food protocol or the scale doesn’t read the “right” number, how can you meet yourself right where you are with love and kindness?

Notice how you’re making your eating or the number on the scale mean so much about you that isn’t true.

Notice that this results in you eating in response to painful thinking.

The antidote to shame is self-compassion.

Self-compassion looks like being warm and understanding toward yourself when things don’t go as planned instead of self-critical.

Self-compassion looks like knowing you are not the only one who feels inadequate sometimes—it is a part of the shared human experience. 

You must find compassion, acceptance, and love for yourself on this journey through mindfulness and choosing new intentional thoughts when things don’t go as planned.

The truth of your existence is that you are 100% worthy, whole and lovable and always have been.

There is nothing we can do ever that can make us enough.

Perfect is boring.

Embrace your imperfections—there’s a lot to be gained from them.

Consider these thoughts I’ll leave with you the next time things don’t go as planned.

The self-compassion you create with these thoughts that are 100% available to you will continue movement forward towards your goal versus your current ‘go to’ self-defeating thoughts that only cause results you are trying to avoid.

·         “I am considering that I am perfect exactly as I am.”

·         “I am exactly who I am meant to be right now.”

·         “I choose love for me no matter what.”

·         “I am doing the best I can.”

·         “I am learning to choose thoughts that make me feel likable and lovable.”

·         “I am worthy and lovable exactly as I am no matter what the scale reads.”

·         “I am worthy and lovable exactly as I am no matter what I eat.”

·         “I get to love myself just because I want to.”

·         “I love upgrading my beliefs about me.”

·         “I am always open to the best way to think of me and my life.”

·         “I accept that I have negative emotions sometimes.”

·         “Nothing has gone wrong here—life is a balance of positive emotion and negative emotion.”

·         “Nothing has gone wrong.”